What if....

I miss u (?)

Just Saying

Terjebak nostalgia

A Memory

Couple glasses of VOD can cheer u up a bit

Here I am. Wednesday night - after office hour. Just another day - but now I'm alone.

"I'm alone - but not lonely" said most of the people. I don't why they do say that, cuz now I'm alone.... And lonely.

I ran out of friends. How come I ran out of friends..... I'm afraid I might just lose my life.

Thanks to my pennies I have in my bank account, they can bring me Vodka and Cigars so I don't feel so alone. Pennies would not be functioned that much when it comes to people. To friends. You cannot buy your friends, don't you? Even if you could, you'll just get fake friends. No one needs fake friends in life. Fake friends are just trashes. Yet unfortunately, fake friends are easier to find here. You got money, you invite them to party, here you go! A little euphoria and tomorrow they'll be gone. Fake friends are expert in bringing you to euphoria. Not peace.

Anyway, maybe I don't care about counting friends I have now, maybe I just feel a bit unwell right now, a bit losing mylife..... Losing TEMPTATION of living.. Actually.

But.... Let's cheer up a bit.... Tell story about friends.

You can count how many "inner circle" you have in your social  network.... But let's think twice.... They're not really the INNER CIRCLE, aren't they?!

I used to have them, the inner circle. The sincere ones. For better for worse. Now they just gone. Some of them are too busy feeling happy with their own life, and the rest are too busy feeling sorrow.

I came here... Moved from my honetown to the capital city, with no money. As a starter, I was quite lucky to have one friend and one job. This friend is a bit crazy. She has wild imagination of having my cousin to be her.... Husband, maybe. Well, I don't care. I just be friend with her..... Our friendship ended because I fed up of all jealousy she had to me.

That's not a big deal, thou.

I have.... I mean I HAD a bestfriend, since 1994. Her name is Maya, we grew up together since early teenage and I can guarantee that she knows me so well. We sticked together, far or near, we belong together. I once lose her when she fell in love with an ugly thief - act as a rich man but in fact - just robbed her money. I got back my bestfriend and we had through another struggling life - just like old times. I got married, she got boyfriend - old man from U.S, and we still stick together. Cutting story, I don't know exactly when I lose her, she moved to Nepal, follow her bf and we just lost. Social media keeps us in touch but we're not really in touch ever again. Proven, she got pregnant, and I'm the last one to know.

My group of friends I have since 2008.
They just on and off. On when we're happy. Off when we're busy facing monsters of our own life.

Friends in my hometown. They are there. Keep in touch. But then again, maybe I just miss them TOO MUCH now.

Life is hard, you know.

But ok. Let's consider I'm just losing TEMPTATION of my own life. Will get it back again.

All i have to do

The only thing you have to do in life is die. Everything else is a choice.

Luiz on Jenn's B-day

You wear black as a camouflage
And pray to heaven to be invisible

You're a lullaby that the world never heard of
And a love song that doesn't even make a sound

So unreal, yet addictive.

When life has passed me by

Heaven was a place on earth at that time

Dear Luiz

Your kiss is always what i can't forget.
Undeniable.

#Jenn

Just Thought

Sometimes I find myself setting up reaching for something that I know I can’t have. The Past.

The Stubborn Show

I hate when I have to be nice to people I actually want to throw a brick at.
But the show must go on.
The event must be done well.
And the orders must keep coming.

As until know, I am still standing here, surviving life with my own feet, well.... marriage is only a goddamn status.
Husbands are no longer thinking of propping up their wives. It's now only a legend. a fairy tale. I hate fairy tale. You too, don't you?

So well... Take a breath and greet "hi. good morning, world, good morning, sunshine. you may not be my sunshine. but can you just stay there, watching me?"

It's just a crazy writing. As always.

Dear Luiz I miss you

"my lips are the gun,my smile is the trigger, my kisses are the bullets,label me a killer" (copied from The Strokes)

i miss you. don't you miss my bullets?

-Jennifer-