candu

kamu
candu
yang pernah hadir dalam komposisi nafasku
yang menyapa malamku
kamu
candu

Apa artinya hitungan waktu?
detik menit jam bulan tahun
apa arti tindakan dari pemikiran?
Apa arti aksi dan reaksi?

Kini.
Mimpi milikmu sendiri.
Jangan ingat aku yang mencandu.

You are my insanity and that's why i leave you. Yet, you are my happiness and that's why i need you to finely alive

There were so much times you left me down. But always, what remains more is every little time when you bring me high.
There were moments that cannot count, when you make up your all night with your friends and left me alone waiting you. There were moments that cannot count when you were driving yourself all year long by drugs and left me cry until dry... And even after i left you... U just made a moment driving drunk to strand yourself lying in hospital and make my entire life get loss. But still, whenever moment comes to only you and me, it's immortal.
Somehow, insanity is immortal. As if, how i falling even more in love with you...when i make you hate me. Like when i cry myself hurted by you...and it also make you hate me. Like when i left you...by knowing i just simply left all my soul in you.

I want nothing more by turning my cry into prayer, but for you to get well soon.

When you're lying in there then i realize, happiness is just when u are alright

Aku selalu bertanya d mana 'bahagia'?
Aku sering tertawa, pernah jatuh cinta, gembira, berhasil, mencintai, dan dicintai. Tapi di mana 'bahagia'?

Tawa dapat hilang dlm sekejap, gembira hanya tercipta seperti sebuah kesempatan, keberhasilan hanya seluas check point, mencintai kadang berbuah kecewa. dicintai kadang terasa hambar.
Aku percaya 'bahagia' tidak berlangsung sesaat, tidak hanya muncul dlm kesempatan, tidak tergantung oleh kemenangan, tidak mati dlm tangis, tidak pernah terasa hambar.
'bahagia' seharusnya hadir di setiap saat; di saat tawa, tangis, dan diam. 'bahagia' harusnya tidak hanya di saat gembira; gajian, ulang tahun, dapat bonus, cuti, atau promosi jabatan; tp juga di saat tidak sedang mengalami itu semua.
'bahagia' harusnya mengiringi perjuangan, menemani kemenangan, dan memeluk kekalahan.
'bahagia' harusnya bukan kasmaran. Karena dia tidak hanya ada di saat jatuh cinta, tapi juga di saat jenuh. Tidak hanya ada di saat katakata manis menggoda, tapi juga di saat-saat yg mengesalkan. 'bahagia' harusnya membuat cinta yg ada tidak pernah terasa hambar, tapi menciptakan perasaan kaya yang konstan.

Aku percaya 'bahagia' adalah sepanjang masa.

Di mana 'bahagia'? Aku tidak tercipta dalam kebadian. Aku tidak hidup dalam sepanjang masa.

Apa artinya aku tidak bisa 'bahagia'? Apa 'bahagia' hanya ada setelah aku mati, karena aku diajarkan bahwa setelah mati, ada keabadian. Apa 'bahagia' tidak ada di dunia, karena dunia tidak sepanjang masa?

Malam ini, di tengah doaku akan kesembuhanmu, aku berjanji pada Tuhan, tidak akan lagi mengejar 'bahagia'. Aku berjanji, aku akan benar-benar berhenti.

Karena... Sebenarnya aku sudah dikenalkan pada 'bahagia'. Aku telah berpurapura bertanyatanya, di mana 'bahagia'. Aku berpurapura mencari, karena aku ingin memiliki. Aku memaksa dgn mendalih kehendak Tuhan; bahwa 'bahagia' dikenalkan padaku, agar kumengerti, bukan kumiliki.

Bahagiaku, adalah kamu.

Tuhan menunjukkannya di saat aku tertawa, menangis, marah, berhasil, gagal, kesal kecewa, berharap, memaki, dan memelukmu. Tuhan telah menunjukkannya padaku, dulu. Tuhan telah mengenalkanku dengan kamu, bahagiaku.

Aku berjanji, malam ini, pada Tuhan, untuk berhenti mencari. Aku berjanji, mulai malam ini, hanya akan inginkan kebahagiaanmu. Hanya inginkan kehidupanmu. tidak perlu hidup bersamamu. Aku cukup mengenalmu, bahagia-ku.

Aku berjanji pada Tuhan, untuk hidup bahagia sepanjang masa-ku, dalam rasa syukurku telah mengenal,merasakan,kamu-bahagiaku.

Aku berdoa akan kesehatan dan kebahagiaanmu, sepanjang masa-mu.

Aku tau, bahagia itu abadi.
Aku tau, bahagia telah kumiliki di hati, bukan di langkah kaki.
Aku tau, bahagiaku, kamu.

Aku berjanji takkan mencari lagi. Aku berjanji akan menjaga dlm hati.

My Happiness doesn't have to be living with me, My Happiness is simply here, as long as you are finely alive.

1) this is what i really mean when i say "if i could turn back time"

Jessica, 27y-o, is playing feeding fenzy2 in bakoel koffie.

7years ago, she had never wanted this kind of spare time.
Now, it's almost the only one she had to make her spare time quite fun.

Jessica 7tahun yang lalu...

Punya kamar yang terasa seperti surga.
Di surga itu tercipta sejuta 'fun-time' untuknya.
Dia punya Guitar Bass merk Samick warna biru, hadiah ulang tahun ke 17, yang membuatnya selalu sibuk.
Dia punya banyak teman yang mengetuk pintu kamarnya dari pagi hingga malam.
Dia punya sahabat yang bermain dalam surganya sehari semalam, bercerita, bengong, bernyanyi, bermain bersama.
Dia punya gitar bersticker DOKETO, dia punya 10 jari yang mampu menguasai gitar itu dengan baik dan benar.
Dia punya kenwood, mengalunkan nada-nada yang mampu membuatnya berkhayal berjam-jam lamanya.
Dia punya diary, penuh dengan tulisan tidak penting yang dicintainya, walaupun sering terbaca adiknya.
Dia punya scrabble, monopoli, kartu, gitar, kenwood, dan banyak teman.
Dia punya Keisha, yang menjadi pahlawab di saat kecoa bertandang ke dalam surganya, yang kadang suka dia usir halus dengan dansa sherina, yang suka membaca diarynya, suka mencuri pulsa hp nya, tapi juga suka menemaninya, bercerita, bermain bersama.




Jessica, 27 y-o, is now playing feeding frenzy2 in bakoel koffie. and she miss all the fun times.

when it comes to you and me, the clock never seems so alive

What day is it? And in what month?
This clock never seemed so alive
I can't keep up and I can't back down
I've been losing so much time

Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do
Nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all of the people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you

All of the things that I want to say just aren't coming out right
I'm tripping on words
You've got my head spinning
I don't know where to go from here

Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do
Nothing to prove
And it's you and me and all of the people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you

There's something about you now
I can't quite figure out
Everything she does is beautiful
Everything she does is right

Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do
Nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all of the people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you
and me and all of the people with nothing to do
Nothing to prove
And it's you and me and all of the people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you

What day is it?
And in what month?
This clock never seemed so alive

So, come on, jess, empty is not always lonely

Out of a battered history, i envisage one perfect juncture in the future. That juncture is frequently reinforced, even if it is nothing but an "empty signifier".
Empty is not always negative, for it allows to stir me and make a desire. Driven by that desire, i can do an undertaking to create another great hirtory.

damien rice

There’s still a little bit of your taste in my mouth
There’s still a little bit of you laced with my doubt
It’s still a little hard to say what's going on

There’s still a little bit of your ghost your witness
There’s still a little bit of your face i haven't kissed
You step a little closer each day
That I can´t say what´s going on

Stones taught me to fly
Love, it taught me to lie
Life, it taught me to die
So it's not hard to fall
When you float like a cannonball

There’s still a little bit of your song in my ear
There’s still a little bit of your words i long to hear
You step a little closer to me
So close that I can´t see what´s going on

Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to lie
Life taught me to die
So its not hard to fall
When you float like a cannon.

Stones taught me to fly
Love, it taught me to cry
So come on courage, teach me to be shy
'Cause its not hard to fall,
And I don't want to scare her
Its not hard to fall
And i don't want to lose
Its not hard to grow
When you know that you just don't know